Black Hills Rebel Read online

  “I understand, I think. You should probably pencil me into your busy schedule.” Andy’s soft pout was troubling. Nora had never meant to push her friend away. It seemed like it was happening more and more lately.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just not in a very good place right now and I wish I could be more specific about it. It kills me to think that everything is unraveling, but it is.” Nora took in a huge breath and tried to steady the nerves that threatened to overwhelm her. There was a gnawing pain inside her that just would not go away no matter how she tried to ignore it.

  “I know there’s something going on. I’m here if you need me.” Andy gestured emphatically and offered a tentative smile. “I’m moody and this kid is wreaking havoc on me.” The two of them let the quiet soothe jumpy nerves and shaky resolves. Each had their own worries.

  “When should I pencil you in?” Nora attempted a light-hearted jab at Andy’s earlier point. A sunny grin spread across Andy’s face and Nora felt better about their wounded feelings.

  “Friday there is a band performing at The Well. We could go! Maybe Matt and Randy will want to come too.” Andy rambled on while Nora winced at the mention of Randy. She and her husband were hardly seen together anymore. It was starting to make its way around and comments had been dropped hesitantly within earshot of the couple. It made Nora angry where it embarrassed Randy.

  Maybe if you were seen at a concert together at The Well, then people would hold their wagging tongues! It seemed wishful thinking, but it was worth a shot.

  “Sure. I can asked Randy.” Nora felt a cold sensation run up her spine and she couldn’t account for the experience. She chalked it up to the head injury. “Do you know who the band is?” Nora leaned her head back against the head rest and casually closed her eyes. The dull ache in her head was worse than she realized. Andy thought for a moment, drumming her fingertips on the steering wheel.

  “No, but it was something catchy! They are a hot new country band. It should be fun!” Andy’s smile lit up her face and Nora could hardly say no. It would be a night out and it involved country music and a bar.

  Why not?

  Chapter 2

  Nora pushed her front door open and stepped into the small house. Stopping just long enough to drop her keys into the dish on the side table, her main mission was to reach the wine fridge and take out the bottle of Chardonnay. Shrugging out of her jacket, Nora draped it over the counter stool and selected a glass from the rack. The tension in her neck was starting to give way to the bass drum banging annoyingly in her head. Sadly it wasn’t just the food tray to blame as the cause.

  If only it was, then it would be so much easier! The discontent and dissatisfaction had been brewing for more years than she dared to count. If she put an exact number to it, Nora was afraid that her self-disgust would go viral. It would transform into a monster she couldn’t control and such a creature would be sure to destroy anything and everything. Pouring the liquid into the wine glass, Nora contemplated the storm she knew to be coming. It was only biding its time until either she or Randy exploded from the tension.

  He will hate me. A cold voice hissed in her heart. It sent a chill up her spine and it made her hand tremble.

  Honesty is all Randy ever wanted. It’s what you want too. True. To share anything, honesty had to trump everything else. The lines of omission were drawn in a severe way. She hadn’t told Randy everything, but keeping it from him just seemed to be the same as lying. It weighed heavily on her heart. By nature, Nora was an introvert and always completely comfortable with her own counsel. Being married to a man who absolutely adored her and loved her son should have been amazing, but something wasn’t right. She couldn’t get her heart out of the past. It was still firmly interlaced with Drew’s father; the man who had no name.

  Ring. Ring. Ring. Nora was startled by her cell phone ringing in her jacket pocket. Shoving the whole mess aside, she came around the counter and picked up her cell phone. She looked at the screen and softly smiled.

  “Hi, baby. Are you at William’s already?” Nora heard her son’s sigh. He thought he was getting too old for the mushy mama routine. Nora had stopped for a while, but now she did it to mess with him. She grinned.

  “Yes, I’m at William’s house. His mom asked if you could come pick me up tonight.” Drew sounded impatient to get off the phone.

  “Tell her that I don’t have my car. I’ll have Uncle Matt pick you up when she needs me too.” Nora traced the rounded bottom of her wine glass. She listened to the background noise of Drew speaking with William’s mother.

  “She can do it. It will just be earlier.” He sounded disappointed by this, but it was a school night. Nora nodded.

  “That’s fine. I’ll be home.” She paused.

  “Bye, Mom.” He almost shouted into the receiver before he hung up and left Nora shaking her head. Her son was always so impatient to get to the next thing. She wondered if she were that way too. Eager to move past the moment and not realize exactly what was there until it’s gone. Pursing her lips in a slight frown, Nora set her phone on top of the counter and picked up her glass for a sip. Her head throbbed and she touched it gingerly. The swelling had lessened, but the pain hadn’t.

  Opening the door and digging in the freezer for an ice pack, Nora took it along with her glass of wine to her bedroom. A nice hot soak and some fragrant candles sounded like just the thing to calm nerves and dull pain. Swiftly ditching her work clothes on the bathroom floor, Nora leaned over to start the water and soon hot vapors were filling up the room. She went to her towel closet and found two cherry vanilla candles with a lighter beside them. It had been some time since she could treat herself like this. Pampering might be overrated, but sometimes, it was just the most heavenly experience.

  Nora lifted one candle to her nose and sniffed in the sweet scents. She let the incessant clamoring in her head quiet for the length of the bath. Thirty minutes without a care would be beneficial to everyone’s sanity, including her own. Slipping her foot over the side of the porcelain bath tub, Nora eased the rest of her body into the steaming water. The warmth started at her toes and crept up her shins to her thighs and further still. It spread over her stomach and up over her chest. It was the caress that sent awareness zipping through her nerves. The scented candles perfume filled the small bathroom and she closed her eyes to lean back against the curved back of the tub. Her neck rested there and she enjoyed the sensual play of the water across her body. Nora could almost feel the gentle touches of a lover in places that had been desperately forgotten and shamefully neglected. Her heart thumped against her chest.

  It had been too long. Months and months ago! She wished she was being overly dramatic. She wished she could just forget the way lips felt on her skin. The heightened fever that burrowed just beneath the surface and blossomed in her core. Nora slid her hand up over her flat stomach, her fingertips gliding over her belly button to her sternum. The touch was appealing and inspiring. Needs and wants clamored to the surface to be heard. Her fingertips traced the softly curved underside of her breast and teased her nipple. It hardened in response. Nora gently moaned as she arched her back and stretched her neck. All the dull throbbing of her head was replaced by the urgent throbbing elsewhere.

  Feeling giddy and curious, Nora continued her experiments. It was amazing how an imagination could take on a whole new hue in the world. Her hands were someone else’s. They belonged to a lover that only served to please her every whim. That certainly had a dramatic pull to it. Her fingers slipped just beneath the water’s edge and skimmed the tight skin over her ribs. It tickled. A heightened sense of awareness came as she closed her eyes and followed the journey of those enslaved digits. She focused on the trail of heat as if the mere touch of her fingers were branding their path to her hip bone. The hot water made her skin tingle and every sense was alive. Her breathing became more rapid as she neared the spot that craved touch. A core that begged to be teased and sated.

  Her fingers came across h
er hip to outline the delicate skin of her thigh. She could see him in her mind’s eye. The lover that kissed so exquisitely, taking his time to ensure that every inch was discovered. A delicious shiver touched her spine. Eyes still closed tightly, Nora exposed her secrets to a lover’s will. His will and her need guided her fingers to do their bidding. Whatever nervousness and embarrassment had been there was surrendered to a great wave of desire. Biting her bottom lip on a moan, she could feel how slick her body was even in the warm water. Just the sensation of her fingers brushing that sensitive spot sent great jolts of electricity through every nerve ending. She moaned louder and continued stroking harder, faster, and then pulling away. The tease was nearly as hot as the intent. In her mind her lover was an absolute artist and her body the willing canvas becoming anything worthy of being called beautiful.

  Nora could feel the abyss coming closer and closer. Her breath was shallow and her pulse leapt through her veins. She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. It was too late to stop. It was too late to pull back from the edge as her nimble fingers created a world all their own. The intensity of the peak had her crying out. It seemed to echo in the confines of the small bathroom. She lay in the tub trying to catch her breath and understand just what it was that had happened. Her imagination seemed so vivid and life-like.

  It felt so real. She thought about the lover that had no face. It should have bothered her, but it didn’t. There were no strings attached and her need was his command. It was incredible. Nora sighed softly before opening her eyes. She blinked against the bright light and her breath stilled in her chest. Suddenly it seemed as if a weight had settled on top of her. She forgot to close her mouth and her eyes were wide with surprise. Nora took in first the cowboy boots, the jean-clad legs right on up to the western shirt buttoned and tucked into the top of his jeans.

  Randy. Her husband. He stood there in the bathroom doorway. His bluish brown hazel eyes like storm clouds over the horizon. They widened somewhat, glazed with what she could only describe as passion.

  Angry passion. Her stomach clenched and her cheeks blushed with embarrassment at what she knew he’d seen. She couldn’t even pretend that he’d just walked in on her moments ago. From his rigid attention, Nora knew he’d been there to see everything.

  Everything. He blinked slowly, his thumbs hooked in his front pockets and his back leaning against the frame of the door. Her husband’s sandy blonde hair pressed close to his head where his hat once was. No sound came from anywhere in the house. They could only stare at each other. Nora felt guilty recognizing the gnawing hunger in him that she’d only managed to push back in herself. His gaze never wavered until finally his shoulders slumped fractionally, he turned and left the room. Only then could Nora breathe, but it hurt to fill her lungs. Shame, anger, and defeat slammed into her all at once. Sadly they had become her constant companions as of late.

  Only noticing that the water had begun to chill and the candles were burnt low, Nora decided to remove herself from the tub. Slowly and without much energy, she got out and wrapped the fuzzy towel around her chest, tucking in the corner at the top. She sighed and looked at her image in the mirror. She couldn’t even recognize the woman in the reflection and Nora thought that to be the most painful burden of all.

  ***

  Randy White had been in love with Nora Johnson since he could even remember. He’d started a bunch of years ago as a hand on her parents’ ranch, Crossing Pines, and was soon promoted to foreman. It was hard work and some days he felt so much older than he was, but it was all worth it just to catch a glimpse of his boss’s daughter. She’d been twenty-four then and every bit the sassy, spunky hellion that the whole county called her. The names hardly mattered to Nora. She’d just as soon flip you the bird, turn her back and saunter away as if nothing in the world could touch the cool exterior.

  Veneer. That’s all it had been. A false layer, no matter how thickly created, to show the world just what she wasn’t. He hadn’t realized just how false it was until the last year or so. It made him ache to hold her and chase away the demons that chewed at her very soul. Nora was no longer the vibrant, remarkably breathless woman he had fallen in love with. True, she was his wife and he’d have chased her to ends of the earth. He’d persistently asked her to marry him for five years and then it was too good to be true. She’d said yes. She’d said her vows to him before God and family.

  Had she meant them? The doubt burned just like a scalding iron set to his skin. His breath was shaky and his heart was beating unbelievably fast as he sat hard on the couch. He leaned over the edge, running his fingers through his sandy blonde hair. He could literally remember every word of his vows to Nora.

  I, Randy, promise to be your husband, your best friend, and above all, your one true love. I promise to pray for sunshine while we weather the storms and I promise to hope for peace as we take on the hard times. I promise to be your confidant, your light in the darkness, and your champion in the midst of danger. I promise to encourage your dreams, celebrate your successes and honor your sacrifices. I promise to travel every road by your side and to spend every day as if it might be our last together. I promise to be true to you until our final days are over.

  They replayed over and over in his mind. Each promise etched on the walls of his soul. He groaned into his hands at the sight he had just witnessed in their bathroom. At first walking in on Nora in the bathtub had been a boon. Immediately noticing that she hadn’t heard his arrival, he sat back to watch. Her bare naked skin glistening with the water and the reflection of the candle light. Instantly he was aroused by the picture his wife created and he’d wanted to sink down beside the tub to caress her. He’d been so tempted to trace the route of her wandering fingers with his own and rediscover the bounty there. It was all so mesmerizing to a man who hadn’t had sex with his wife for months.

  Months was being gracious. He and Nora had been married for 18 months and in that time, they’d had sex four times. He could count them. Every time, excluding their wedding night, Nora had barely touched him. Sometimes the itch was so overpowering that he’d have to leave their bed altogether. The couch had become a sanctuary of sorts, where he’d just try to quit thinking. Sadly a wife that would sleep in the same bed as her husband and not be intimate with him was a confidence killer in the extreme.

  He let out a long, frustrated breath and leaned back into the couch. He propped a boot heel onto the coffee table in front of him. This just wasn’t the plan he had for his life. Yes, he’d wanted the wife, the kids, and the ranch, but he had none of it. It was all crumbling before it was ever truly built.

  “I’m sorry.” Nora’s voice was soft and timid from the doorway of their bedroom. He closed his eyes, letting her words echo in his head. He couldn’t swallow the anger that bubbled up in his throat.

  “Sorry for what, Nora?” The bitterness that dripped from his words was a slight shock to him. It just came out of the depths of his soul. “Are you apologizing for being tempting or a tease; for pretending to be my wife and not keeping your vows?” He leaned forward again, his hands wiping over his face. “What do you want from me?” His voice rose in such a way as to make her step back. His gaze swept her from messy bun to bare feet. Her blue eyes were wide as if he’d physically slapped her. His gut twisted in torment.

  “I know it doesn’t cover it.” Her grating whisper caused him to look away from her. It was too painful to see her beaten down too. “I can’t even begin to explain what is going on with me. If you knew, well, you’d just rather not know.” Her normally healthy sunny glow was gone and Nora’s face was pale and drawn. She was considerably thinner than she had been as well. Randy hated that he noticed. He felt that traitorous knife twist that much more in his guts. She wasn’t sleeping and she was barely eating.

  Why the hell do you blame yourself? It was a question he couldn’t answer. In a way he supposed that he felt responsible for her and if this was happening to his wife, then he was to blame.

&n
bsp; “Damn it, Nora, you can’t keep throwing this at me! I’m not a saint! I’m a red-blooded male and your husband for that matter!” Randy fought to control his anger. It didn’t do any good to get upset and start flying off the handle.

  Not that you’ve ever tried it! It might work with her!

  “Throwing what at you? I’ve tried really hard not to do anything to you, Randy.” Nora’s voice wavered in her conviction. He stared at the woman he still considered the most beautiful and wondered at her being so naïve.

  “You don’t have to do a darn thing. All you have to do is be present, Nora. Your scent, your body, your eyes, your freaking voice…it all calls to me. The things I want to do to you right now would blow your mind.” Randy clutched the cushion on the couch in his fists. It was all he could do not to cross the space between them and pull her firmly into his arms.

  “I don’t mean too.” Nora’s voice squeaked from the doorway. She hadn’t moved. She looked afraid to come any closer and he barely suppressed the dark chuckle that threatened to come forth.

  She’s probably afraid I’m going to take her, here and now without her permission. Randy turned away from Nora’s wide eyes. He hated that the depths of blue set him on fire. He was almost angrier at himself than Nora for the crap they were going through.

  Almost. He ran another hand through his hair and stood up, his back still to her.

  “There’s more to it than what is going on right here. I really thought that we’d be good together, Nora. I wanted to be your husband and Drew’s father. I’ve never wanted anything more.” The break in his heart splintered further and the chasm seemed so far from repair.