Black Hills Blessing Page 19

  Why can’t things be that easy between Rayne and me? A nagging conscience pointed out that it had only been days while it seemed like much more time than that. Rayne looked up into his face when he still stood in the middle of the room with his arm around her waist. Her golden eyes were a bit glazed from the alcohol. Moving them steadily towards the living room, they managed only to bump into the coffee table once. Garrett released her as she sank heavily onto the plush, microfiber couch.

  “Thank you.” Rayne sighed when she’d found a comfortable position. “I rarely drink.”

  “I couldn’t tell.” Garrett quipped as he sat down beside her and kicked his feet out towards the coffee table. Andy would probably kill him if she caught him with his boots on the coffee table, but it was way more comfortable anyway. He’d risk death.

  “Ha ha.” She said dryly back. Her dark head lolled backwards and came to rest on the cushion. She closed her eyes and Garrett watched her tongue moisten her full lower lip. Just like that and the banked fires flared to life. He took a deep breath to reach for some balance.

  “I noticed that you flinched when Andy and Matt mentioned adding to their family.” Garrett wanted to proceed with caution, but it was quickly apparent that he was unable to do that. Rayne didn’t move. His heart thudded in his chest and he took another deep breath. He focused on the apple cinnamon fragrance that filled his brother’s house. It comforted him in a strange way. It told him that all of this—home, family, and love was all possible.

  “I’m confused.” Rayne said rather flatly. The bluntness not necessarily from the beer.

  “Confused by what?” Garrett asked as he watched her face. It remained expressionless.

  “We said we preferred sex with no strings. No commitments, if I recall, is what you said you didn’t want. So why are we talking about family and wishes that will never come true?” The last was said through gritted teeth and it caught him off balance. She had every right to ask him what she had, but he wished that she hadn’t. The answer was as complicated as the question.

  “If you will tell me why you checked out with the babies talk, then I will tell you why I’ve confused the issue of no commitments.” He hoped that would get her to talk. It might shift things into another dimension too. She was really quiet, her head still thrown back and her eyes closed. He wondered if she had fallen asleep, but the leaping vein in her neck gave her away. His own heart kept time with hers.

  “Some people are not meant to be parents.” A tear slipped down her cheek from underneath her lid and a strangled moan escaped her throat. His eyes widened in concern. His hand found hers and pulled it into his lap. He held it firmly. “It’s the only reason we married. I tried to pretend that we’d be happy and that I’d finally have love unconditionally.” She sounded like she was being strangled and that air was disappearing from the world. He squeezed her hand. “Then one day it was gone.” Her heart imploded and his heart broke for her. He gathered her into his lap and held her tightly. He rested his chin on top of her head while she grieved for the life she thought so firmly in her grasp. To recognize the gift of a child and then have that joy severed as if it had never happened, he couldn’t imagine the torment it caused. He smoothed her hair from her face and rocked her. She gripped him tightly, almost painfully.

  “I think God was punishing me. I don’t deserve to be loved.” She was so calm as she said the words. There was a weariness in her voice that spoke eloquently of a woman giving up. She was defeated and the defeat had hollowed her. No wonder she was angry and closed off. Garrett wrapped his arms tightly around her, hugging her body into his.

  “You’re so wrong about that, Rayne. You deserve to be loved and cherished.” His chest felt like there was a heavy weight sitting on it. His throat closed with emotion.

  How could anyone think they weren’t worthy of love? How could so much destruction happen to one person? If Garrett had been in Rayne’s shoes, he would have raged and struggled just as she had. The mess was coming to life and he wasn’t certain how to fix any of it. All he knew was how he felt.

  “I’m sorry you’ve been confused by me. I didn’t know how much I was missing and how much I wanted until you rescued me.” He raked his fingers through her long, dark hair. Her head cupped against his chest by his palm. “I want to make a commitment. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I’m in love with you, darlin’.” His heart beat like a bass drum in his chest. It echoed in his ears. He held so still waiting for a sign that she had heard him.

  Would she freak out on him? Would she be angry? Would she stay in his arms and ask him to never leave? Was a future possible together?

  “Rayne, please say something?” He whispered in her ear, running his hands over her back and to her shoulders.

  “Hmm?” She snuggled deeper into his chest and his heart sank. He adjusted his position on the couch and pulled her more fully against him. Gently he unfolded and spread a throw blanket over the top of them. Sighing, Garrett couldn’t believe his luck. He’d finally gotten up the courage to throw his heart on the table and she fell asleep before hearing a word of it.

  Well there’s always tomorrow. He closed his eyes and dreamt of the dark haired blessing in his arms.

  Chapter 19

  She was tired. She couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t feel physically tired, but mentally the light had gone out. Her head was spinning with all of the information and emotions tied to them. Looking around the living room of the broken down ranch house, Rayne failed to see it any differently than she did. Touches of her mother still decorated the house. Faded, dirty chintz curtains covered the windows, small porcelain figurines of horses sat on the shelves and hand embroidered pillows sat in two of the chairs. Even the quilt on the mattress held vivid memories of being wrapped warmly in it. She sighed. Now it was also tied to Garrett Johnson and the sweet, passionate nights spent in his arms. A reactive shiver ran up her spine. Everything seemed right with the world when he held her. All the doubts and fears quieted when he kissed her. Her blood would singe her veins with the slightest brush of his fingers on her bare skin.

  If her cowboy walked through that door right now, she’d jump right into his arms! She’d probably jump something else, she thought with a chuckle. The anticipation eased the darkness that threatened to engulf her soul. Garrett had barely said anything to her this morning. He must have driven them home sometime in the night because she woke up in the ranch house. Garrett’s side of the mattress was made neatly and he was nowhere to be found. For a moment that bothered her and she wondered if he had beat it for the hills after what she had said last night. Her head had been fuzzy, but she knew she’d spoken of the baby. The child she had wanted more than air to breathe.

  My one chance at being loved unconditionally. No strings. No ultimatums. Just love.

  She had been her parent’s child. Was she supposed to love them both unconditionally? Lord knew she loved her mother, who was all things kind and gentle. Her heart ached in unimaginable ways. A child had been jaded that day acknowledging the death of her mother and blaming her father. Rayne closed her eyes and tried to go back to that afternoon. It was so hazy now. All that seemed to remain was the anger and the hate. Both emotions she had fostered for half her life. She swallowed the lump that sat in her throat.

  All I want is peace. Can I let this all go to gain peace? Can I forgive the loss of both of my parents? She wondered if her childhood could be laid to rest as well. She wondered what would replace those emotions. Would there be a gaping hole where they festered and putrefied? Her composure cracked and she struggled to keep from breaking down. It served such a small purpose and she’d cried so many tears in the last few days that she wondered if there were even more to cry. Looking around her, Rayne identified several piles. She grasped at the reasonable.

  Bills. Overdue and Paid. Sales receipts from grass and cattle. Bank statements. Medical invoices. The last of those surprised her considering they were from before her m
other died. She hadn’t delved into those just yet, but she meant to. She was focused more on the bills and sales receipts. One stuck out as a bit odd considering Valentine and her father’s foreman, Rodriguez, said that he was selling off stock to pay down her father’s debts. Why would her father be paying Harry Vold a fee of two thousand five hundred dollars? It was clearly money he didn’t have to spend. Of course who knew what an aging, hermit-like man was thinking anyway. She made a mental note to ask who Harry Vold was.

  The bank was clearly going to foreclose on the ranch if she didn’t come up with a substantial sum of money. What her father was able to pay was just to tide the bank over until he could arrange something else. Rayne wasn’t sure what she could offer. She was fresh out of college with an expensive school debt to repay and certainly not enough credit background to finance such a venture as a failing ranch. She wasn’t sure where to even begin to make this place profitable.

  Maybe a veterinarian practice? Maybe a boarding ranch? She certainly couldn’t entertain the dude ranch idea, although many had made money on the cowboy experience. Hot Springs was definitely a tourist playground with the Wild West looming as far as the eye could see. Even the wild mustang sanctuary was a draw on the beauty of such free creatures. Their lives were only marred by the humans that would tame them and break them. She’s seen the regal stare from many of those horses when she was younger. They bowed their heads to no one and she was oddly proud of them for that. The mustangs demanded nothing but their freedom. A freedom that often condemned them and brought their species close to extinguishing their hallowed flame.

  Bang. Bang. Bang. Rayne’s head came up as she located the sound. She got up from her position on the floor and walked carefully to the window. Her heart squeezed at the sight. Garrett was outside hammering new boards onto the barn wall. A load of wood planks were in the back of his truck and a table saw sat beside it. She couldn’t believe he was putting so much work into something that was falling apart and that she was going to sell. She wavered with indecision.

  I’m going to sell this ranch, aren’t I? A few days ago she was so sure of everything and now the fact that she was even thinking about captaining a sinking ship amazed her. A million questions popped up in her head and she knew if she didn’t at least try to find the answers, peace would never be something she could claim. Her mother would want her at peace. All the torment over the years had robbed her of a great deal more than her youth. As she stood next to the window admiring the bunching of strong muscles in Garrett’s back and the way his jeans fit so perfectly, a red pickup pulled into the yard. She read the side of the pickup. It was one of the Hot Springs veterinarian services. Furrowing her brow, Rayne limped toward the front door. She glanced once at the crutches and grimaced. Taking her jacket from the peg, she gingerly stepped out onto the front porch. The sun was warm and if the forecast was correct, the snow would soon be gone. She was so ready for spring.

  Would she be here in the spring? Another question to be answered. Rayne shook off the future questions and focused on the present. Why was the veterinarian here on Randall Ranch?

  “Good afternoon, Garrett. I am surprised to see you here. I thought you were in Rapid City?” Marshall Denton, the Hot Springs vet said. Garrett shook the man’s hand and smiled.

  “Taking a bit of a vacation. I’m surprised to see you out here, Denton.” Garrett’s brow furrowed in wonder as Rayne came up. “Why are you here?” Garrett looked at Rayne, looked down at her limp, and pressed his lips together. He was wondering why she wasn’t using the crutches.

  Blasted things were awkward and hurt her arms, that’s why!

  “I came to check up on the mare.” Marshall Denton said, missing the unspoken conversation between Garrett and her. Rayne ignored Garrett and took in the man before her. He was of average height, slim build, and probably in his forties. His heavy mustache and glasses made him appear older than he was. His friendliness and no frills made her instantly warm to him.

  “Hello. I’m Rayne Randall.” She introduced herself, extending a hand. The man took it with a smile and nodded his head.

  “Marshall Denton, ma’am. I was just telling Garrett I was here to check on the mare for your father.” His eyes lost their shine. “I’m sorry to hear of his passing. He was a good man.” The vet’s voice spoke of friendship with her father.

  Perhaps he wasn’t as much of a hermit as she thought. Rayne acknowledged his condolences with a nod. She took a deep breath.

  “I’m not aware of any mare on the property, Mr. Denton. My father’s sorrel gelding is here, but nothing else.” Rayne indicated the barn that was partially exposed to the winter sunshine due to Garrett’s remodeling. Denton looked at Garrett with obvious confusion.

  “The mare isn’t here? Where is she?” Denton swept his hat off and scratched his head. His thinning hair was brushed neatly back. Rayne shook her head, trying to understand what this man was saying.

  “What mare?” Garrett asked, his brown eyes narrowing and his hands firmly placed on his hips. It made him appear taller to Rayne. All eyes were on the vet.

  “I can’t think that your father would sell her. She was all he ever talked about. Surely he would have let me know if he was thinking of selling her.” Denton rambled on, his inner conversation confusing and irritating both Rayne and Garrett. Rayne touched the man’s arm.

  “What mare, Mr. Denton?” Rayne brought his focus to her eyes and he sighed.

  “Your father bought a wild mare from the sanctuary and called in a favor with Harry Vold to breed the mare to Vold’s stud, Painted Valley.” Denton’s mention of Harry Vold caught Rayne’s attention. It was the same name as was on the receipt for twenty five hundred dollars.

  Stud fee. It was certainly interesting now. Still Denton acted like Harry Vold was a royal sheik.

  “Harry Vold’s Painted Valley?” Garrett’s jaw dropped. Denton nodded, raising his eye brows. Rayne shook her head, looking from Garrett to Denton.

  “Who is Harry Vold and what’s with Painted Valley?” Rayne asked, receiving wide-eyed looks from both men. Garrett was the first to speak.

  “Harry Vold is one of the ranches that supply rodeo stock to some of the best rodeos in the nation. Painted Valley is a bucking horse that has been PRCA Saddle Bronc Horse of the Year. The horse is phenomenal to watch.” Garrett’s words spoke of his admiration for the rodeo industry and the athletes and animals that dominated it.

  “Painted Valley is also the first bucking horse offered for worldwide insemination. That’s why your father wanted to breed Painted Valley to South Dakota Summer.” Denton added as Rayne tried to understand and digest what information was being given to her.

  “Why would he do that? He was in such a hole financially.” Rayne looked at the decaying barn and sagging ranch house. There were corrals that were busted and wire that was snapped in two. It seemed like such a waste of resources to breed even the best bronc to a wild mare.

  “I asked him that myself. Do you know what he said?” Denton lowered his voice, a reverence taking its place and Rayne felt her heart stop beating just so she could hear it. “Your father said it was your mother’s dream to own a ranch in South Dakota, but it was his dream to set up a reputable breeding program.” Denton tilted his head to the side, his eyes cast down at his boots. No one spoke for a moment. Rayne wasn’t even sure she could start breathing again.

  “Rayne, Painted Valley has had some awesome results with his foals. They are in high demand if they perform even remotely as well as their sire. Granted it would take a few years before you knew what the foal was capable of, but it could be a lucrative deal if rodeo stockmen used Randall Ranch as a breeding contractor.” Garrett explained. It made sense in a long term way, but how would he have hung on for the years between now and then? What would happen if the foal didn’t have the desired traits? It seemed like such a long shot.

  “Well while we ponder the workings of my father’s mind, perhaps we should figure out what happened to t
he mare. Considering I wasn’t aware of her, I have a feeling I know who does know.” Rayne sighed, her eyes locking with Garrett’s. He was thinking the same as she.

  “Valentine.” Garrett answered her. Rayne nodded.

  “Valentine? Junior or senior?” Denton asked, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. Clearly most people were acquainted with the family of lawyers.

  “Junior.” Garrett growled. His intense dislike of the man was apparent. Denton nodded.

  “He’s out of town. Perhaps we should go to the sheriff?” Rayne said, zipping her coat as a shiver slithered up her spine. Denton cocked a brow.

  “I just saw him this morning. It didn’t look like he was headed anywhere.” Denton waved a hand in the air. Rayne’s lips tightened into a line. She really didn’t look forward to trying to get answers out of the shady man. Just the thought of him made her stomach turn.

  “Tell you what, I’ll go to Valentine’s office. Denton, can you go with Rayne to the sheriff’s office and make a claim on the horse? They are going to need someone who has seen it.” Garrett placed a protective hand on the small of Rayne’s back. Denton nodded in agreement and shook Garrett’s hand.

  “Be glad too.” Denton turned to Rayne. “You could ride with me and I’ll bring you back here.” He indicated his truck and with a meaningful look at Garrett, she went to the passenger side of the pickup. She wasn’t sure how deep this was or how far it ran, but some things were starting to fall into place. She owed it to a dead man’s dream to find the horse, whatever happened after that was in the future.

  ~~~

  Her head throbbed from the millions of questions the sheriff’s deputy asked. It was a good thing that Marshall Denton was well respected and had been the care provider of the wild mare since her father had owned her. Denton had said South Dakota Summer was a bay mare and with her coloring characteristics, the foal should carry similar markings to his sire, Painted Valley, a bay paint.