Black Hills Blessing Read online

  “I’m truly sorry for you loss.” The preacher nodded his head in their direction and started off down towards the cars. Rayne couldn’t seem to find her feet, let alone tell them to move. She stood there staring at the capsule that carried the remains of her past. She felt a bit silly clinging to a body that couldn’t give her closure. The answers she needed weren’t here. She’d come to doubt that she’d ever find them. Royal broke her trance as he brushed his lips across her cold cheek. She barely registered the endearment.

  “I’ll be at the truck. I’m freezing.” He mumbled as he left Garrett and her standing there. Her fingers flexed at the loss of warmth. She could only nod in acknowledgement, a numbness overtaking her body too. The quiet extended for a few more minutes before Garrett broke it.

  “You did a good job putting your feelings on paper.” His voice was deep and it rippled across her sensitive senses. She swallowed hard.

  “You think so?” She couldn’t help the question. She still felt inadequate and her pain too vast to be assuaged in a single poem. She saw him nod from the corner of her eye.

  “I do. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose someone without being able to say what you need to say to them. It sort of puts things into perspective.” Garrett gripped her hand more tightly and instinctively, Rayne side-stepped into him. He was there to welcome her and tucked her into his chest.

  “Things have been unsaid for years. Now it’s final. There’s no changing it.” Her brow furrowed and her reserve cracked. Tears streamed down her face and she didn’t even try to stem the flow. Years of shock, anger, and pain fell with the salty liquid. Garrett pulled her into him and held her tightly. She gave in to the welling of emotions. She cried first for herself, then for her mother, and lastly for her father. She wept for the want of family and she prayed for the open wound to mend. Rayne prayed as she had never done before. Surely the Lord would bless her for the hell that she’d been through. She pushed down the need to ask if a higher power even existed.

  Through it all, Garrett held on. He offered the comfort of his arms and his solidity. He gave her the use of his cotton handkerchief and he allowed her to simply cry. She didn’t know there could be peace simply by being. Yet here they were, frozen nearly to stone in that cemetery on a sunny, winter’s morning.

  “Are you ready to go?” Garrett asked her and Rayne felt the rumble of his voice in his chest. She reminded herself that she was still alive and this wasn’t her interment. She nodded, but didn’t move. She didn’t know how to move. Ironic considering she had spent her life running, but never getting anywhere. Now she couldn’t move, but felt a future looming ahead. It was a hazy picture, but she knew it was there nevertheless.

  “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure if she was apologizing to Garrett. She wasn’t sure if she was apologizing to her father. Perhaps a bit of both. Garrett put his hands on her shoulders. He waited until she looked up at him and vaguely she cringed at the sight she must look. The earnestness in his eyes made all the thoughts fly from her head.

  “You don’t ever have to apologize to me, Rayne. Do you understand? I’m here because I want to be. I’m here for you, whether or not you’ll admit that you need me.” He offered a grin as he saw the annoyance build in her eyes. She could feel the instant thawing of the ice in her veins. She clung to his words and held them close. No one had ever accepted her so unconditionally and it was as mesmerizing as it was scary.

  “Just don’t tell anyone.” She offered a small smile and leaned up to kiss him. Their lips met and clung to each other. There was more than consolation behind the offering and Rayne fought the urge to name it. Instead she let Garrett lead her back to the pickup and drive them back to the ranch house.

  As they pulled into the drive of the Randall Ranch, Rayne looked questioningly at Garrett as he parked the black Dodge in front of the barn. Several cars were parked next to the house.

  “Well I guess they didn’t want you to be alone today.” Royal said as he patted her knee. He grinned when he caught Garrett stiffening at his familiarity with his touch. Rayne looked from one to the other. Clearly Royal was enjoying getting under Garrett’s skin. Part of her also enjoyed seeing that Garrett was protective and maybe a bit jealous of her ex-husband.

  “I’m sure they just wanted to pay their respects. Your father wasn’t overly social, but he was a good neighbor.” Garrett said as he opened the door and helped her out. A speaking glance passed between Royal and Garrett. Rayne swallowed and fought to tamp down the irritation that suddenly came to the surface. She hadn’t expected for her father to be remembered by anyone but her today. She didn’t expect to acknowledge that he had a life after the death of her mother.

  Of course the man had a life. He continued living after the death of his wife and the desertion of his daughter. Rayne clamped her jaw shut on the bile that rose in her throat. Her hands shook as she clasped them tightly in her lap. She was unaware how long it took for her to respond to Garrett’s comment or Royal’s concerned look. Blinking quickly, she dispelled the tears, but not the anger.

  “It seems like there is much I don’t know in general.” Rayne grouched and took a couple of exploratory steps away from Garrett. Smoothing the pleats of her pant suit, taking a deep breath, and setting off determinedly towards the front porch, Rayne hoped she could get Garrett’s family out of her house without having a complete meltdown. The truck doors slammed closed and it only reminded her that Royal and Garrett were right behind her.

  Fabulous. Witnesses to the next apocalypse! The front door opened just as she reached the bottom step and Andy stepped out.

  “I hope we aren’t intruding. We just wanted to show our support.” Andy reached out and took Rayne into a firm hug. Eyes widening, Rayne couldn’t help but stiffen at the warmth of the embrace. Vulnerability was a weakness and she was feeling far less strong than she wanted to be. Cutting all emotional ties seemed to be her thing. Her stomach dropped when she thought about Royal’s comment about inheritances from one’s parents.

  Suppose I didn’t fall so far from the tree. Again more anger flared brighter within her. She firmly pushed Andy from her personal space and took a step back. Green eyes searched her face and just as expected, an invisible line formed on command. Rayne would have been lying had she said she didn’t regret that.

  “I’m sorry, Andy. I really have no wish for company or well wishes. My father didn’t deserve them and you don’t know me.” Rayne’s stomach fell lower, if that were possible.

  Word bile. Acidic, gross and painful. Of course there were witnesses behind her, but neither of the guys said anything. Either they were as shocked as Andy by what she had said, or they were disappointed by the unkindness that fell from her mouth. Whichever it was, Rayne knew there would be consequences later.

  “I understand. I’ll take care of everything.” Andy pressed her lips together as if she would say more, but she did as she said. She went back inside to round up the others. Rayne just couldn’t explain why she felt about ready to shatter. With just a glance behind her, Garrett and Royal’s expressions said it all.

  Disappointment. Pity. Hurt. It was more than she could take and she slipped into the house. She managed to dodge Garrett’s mother, Lacey, and dart around the kitchen doorway towards the bathroom. She took the turn too sharply in her low heels and her ankle sent a painful twinge up her calf. Sucking in a breath, Rayne barely saw the opening of the bathroom before she slammed the door closed on the rest of the world outside.

  ~~~

  Garrett stood outside with Royal as his family filed out of the Randall house one by one. He hadn’t known they were coming. If he had, he would have told them not to or at the very least, he could have warned Rayne of their plans. Instead it had caught her off guard and it had not cast her in the best light.

  Rayne just buried her father. A father who destroyed her childhood. It was a lot for anyone to take in. It was more so for a woman who felt helpless and emotionally unstable. She had gone from being
abandoned to being swept into the bosom of his touchy-feely family. He winced at the thought.

  “Please tell Rayne that there is a ham warming in the oven and some salads in the fridge.” Lacey, his mother, kissed his cheek and walked solemnly to their pickup. His dad shook his hand and patted him supportively on the shoulder. Nora offered a tentative smile.

  “I left some cookies and my phone number, just in case.” His sister looked unusually sad, even for an occasion such as this, but he figured right now wasn’t the time to ask. Things were not good and that much was evident. Andy was the last to come outside. Her green eyes were troubled as she closed the front door. No doubt it was a signal to Rayne that they were gone. Walking down the steps, his sister-in-law lifted her shoulders in disappointment. She wasn’t the type to get angry and for that Garrett was grateful. Rayne needed a friend and he knew once she came around, Andy would still be there to give Rayne a chance.

  “I should have known.” She almost whispered. Garrett took her hand and squeezed it.

  “You couldn’t have changed their minds, Andy.” He looked towards the front door and shook his head. Royal shuffled his feet.

  “There’s far more to this story than you all know.” His sadness touched them all, but realizing that he might have offered too much, he shrugged. “Rayne isn’t good at this.” He gestured in a sweeping arc to Garrett’s family. Garrett eyed Rayne’s ex-husband in a suspicious manner.

  Of course the man would know more about Rayne than anyone else would. Garrett wondered just what he could glean from Royal Bentley.

  “How did the funeral go?” Matt came up beside them and put an arm around his wife. Andy seemed to absorb into his side and rested her cheek on his chest. Garrett nodded at his brother.

  “Short and to the point, I suppose.” Garrett replied. Realizing that Matt and Royal didn’t know each other, Garrett did the introductions. Matt reached out and shook Royal’s hand without dislodging his wife.

  “It was emotional, even for Rayne. It’s pretty rare to see her that torn up.” Royal said after Garrett filled them in on the small congregation of the funeral for Ripley Randall.

  “I just feel terrible. I hope she doesn’t hold it against us. We never meant to intrude.” Andy said again, her brows furrowed in distress. Matt squeezed her tighter.

  “Odds are she feels pretty rotten for how it went down. Give her a bit of time and she’ll be her normal self.” Royal stressed the normal and Garrett grinned at that. Rayne was pretty prickly even on her best day.

  “We should probably get going. Harper is with the sitter and it’s not her favorite sitter.” Andy smiled and headed for the truck. Matt chuckled.

  “Harper is Grandma’s shadow lately. Funny how those two have gotten so close.” Matt gave Royal a nod and waved at his brother before following his wife to their Ford Escape. Garrett and Royal stood near the porch as all the cars left. Still no sign of Rayne and Garrett wasn’t sure he wanted to go in there just now. He stuffed his hands a bit deeper into his pockets and sized up the competition.

  Not that Royal was competition. He was Rayne’s ex so maybe it was a competition for Garrett’s ego. Royal and Rayne must have had something once. Divorce wasn’t always as final as it sounded. The thought left a metallic taste in his mouth and a sour feeling in his stomach. Royal lifted his mouth in a slight grin as if he could read Garrett’s thoughts. Wondering, paired with that stupid grin made Garrett want to punch Royal right in the mouth. Too bad he didn’t feel like explaining why he bruised up Royal Bentley’s pretty face to Rayne.

  “Stop looking at me like you’d love to accidentally deck me.” Royal chuckled as he put his hands up, palms outwards to Garrett.

  “You read my mind.” Garrett growled as he shook his head at the ridiculous picture they must make.

  Just like two schoolboys fighting over the same girl. So it was still correct except for the schoolboys.

  “She doesn’t care for me like that anymore, Garrett.” Royal raised a brow. “Can I call you, Garrett?” Without waiting for an answer, Rayne’s ex kept talking. “She and I just have history. We only got divorced, because we agreed that there wasn’t a future together.” Royal kicked the snow with his boot.

  “You say she doesn’t care for you anymore, but what about you? One side doesn’t always match up with the other.” Garrett knew that all too well. He didn’t need Royal to answer to know it didn’t sit right with him. Any man in his right mind would always hold a torch for Rayne Randall, regardless of what happened. Royal nodded his head and blew out a long breath. The warm air puffed in the cold.

  “She was my wife. I’ll always care for her.” Royal looked around them and then met Garrett’s brown eyes with all seriousness. “I’m not in love with her. I don’t think I ever was.”

  Garrett didn’t like feeling confused, but Royal’s words had done just that. The man’s confession was unmistakably honest and Garrett didn’t doubt it. He wondered how far this conversation could really go. Did he have the guts to ask about the past? Did Garrett have a right to fight for their future? His heart slowed to a forcefully fierce beat. The unknown was not quite his friend, but he hoped for right now that it would be.

  “Can I ask what went wrong?” Garrett felt like he was out on a limb. Royal didn’t seem fazed by the questions. The two of them measured the other up and Royal must have seen what he wanted, because he shook his head.

  “I love women. All kinds. I can’t choose just one and Rayne wanted me to.” Royal looked almost sheepish when Garrett frowned at him. Some guys just didn’t know a good thing when they had it. Inside Garrett felt a sense of justice that Royal was kicked to the curb metaphorically, of course.

  “If you weren’t in love with her, why did you marry her?” Garrett might be pressing his luck, but it was a question that burned in him. Rayne would probably kill him if she knew they were out here on her porch, talking about her like this. She hadn’t named the interaction between them and he wasn’t prepared to do so just yet. He was a big enough man to admit when he was stretching that boundary, but he felt like he needed to know the past before he could salve the present and build the future.

  Their future. The folly of owning a heart and listening to it speak, he guessed. Royal pressed his lips together in thought and then shook his head. Garrett’s expectations sunk to the soles of his boots, even as he understood that what passed between Royal and Rayne as man and wife was sacred.

  “You’ll have to speak to her about that.” Royal slapped his leg and rolled his eyes when Garrett eyed him closely. “She’d never forgive me if I told you. This one has to be her call. Besides I still want her to speak to me in the future.” Royal rubbed his cold hands on his jeans and grinned in his normal, shit-eating way. “Just so you know, I’m not going anywhere. I’m still her friend.”

  Garrett wondered if the moment of shock showed on his face before he reeled it back in. Royal had some gall talking like that. If he didn’t respect that display of balls, Garrett would have punched Royal just for spite.

  “I can respect that, I guess.” Garrett nodded, looking past Royal at the front door. Not a sound came from inside the house. Not a sign of Rayne and he couldn’t help but wonder how she was doing.

  “There is a time for everything, Garrett. Maybe now is that time and then again, maybe it isn’t.” Royal grinned, straightening his jacket. “You’ll never know if you don’t ask.” Rayne’s ex-husband turned around and headed for his truck. Garrett watched as the man walked away.

  In another lifetime he and Royal might have been good friends. At the moment though it looked like it was going to be a love-hate relationship. Expelling a deep breath, Garrett went up the stairs and quietly went into the house to find the answers to some questions, whether they were his or hers, he wasn’t sure.

  Chapter 16

  Rayne sat on the toilet seat in the bathroom for what seemed like an eternity. She felt like such a coward hiding out in the downstairs bathroom. Swallowing hard, she s
hifted and stood up to look into the mirror. Grimacing at the red splotchy marks on her cheeks from crying, she turned on the hot water and wet a wash cloth. Turning the water off, wringing the cloth and dabbing her cheeks, Rayne wished she could be absorbed in the warmth. It comforted the iciness that followed her around everywhere she went. Her heart trembled with the insecurity she felt. Everything had been black or white, emotions, people, facts, but being here in Hot Springs, South Dakota on her family’s ranch, the two separate colors started to blur and she couldn’t be sure where one started and the other ended.

  “Rayne, are you in there?” A soft, deep voice came from outside the door. Her stomach clenched at Garrett’s soothing voice. It only made her feel worse about the way she had treated his family. They had meant well and hadn’t meant to intrude. She knew that for sure.

  “Yeah. I’m thinking I would make a great hermit.” Rayne replied, closing her eyes on her vision in the mirror. Had she heard him chuckle? It wasn’t all that loud.

  “Really?” Garrett asked, his boots shuffling on the floor. She could almost see him leaning against the door jam, crossing his arms as he waited for her to open the door.

  “Maybe.” There was something of the petulant child in that word. Rayne looked up at the ceiling and put the wash cloth down.

  “Surely we could find you a better place than a bathroom.” He did laugh this time and she absorbed the musical sound. “Perhaps a bedroom would be better.”

  Rayne opened her mouth in some surprise at his suggestion and then she felt the familiar tingling in places he had left his brand before. Never leaving that bedroom as long as he was with her had its own appeal. Sighing, she walked the couple of feet to the door and opened it. Garrett was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed, and looking as handsome as ever. Even the gentle concern in those brown eyes was sexy. Straightening her back, Rayne tried to look less frazzled than she actually was. One look at Garrett though and she knew she hadn’t fooled him.